The Showering Philosopher: 2012 For Dummies

The whole 2012 Mayan calendar apocalypse thing has been an annoyingly reoccurring topic ever since John Cusack decided to pilot a private jet through falling buildings as they tumbled into Earth’s crust.

Based on true events that are yet to happen

 

The movie which made sure ever citizen of the Information Age knew exactly how our world is supposed to end this December.  To me, it was a clear play on the populations fears of the unknown.  People came to the movie for absolution, a happy ending of sorts.  It was an awful movie, filled with over the top CGI (see above) and a cheesy storyline.  But here’s the thing I watched a documentary.

Yup, and I would’ve watched the whole thing if the Canucks game hadn’t started halfway through it.  From what I remember, the Mayans were unreal astronomers.  So much so that they kept track of the position of a whole bunch of stuff over the span of their entire existence. It helped them predict a wide variety of phases astronomical and on Earth (including the rise of Justin Bieber, which I assume is the reason they called it a night on being a civilization).  They were supposedly so precise in their measurements that they discovered a celestial tilt, the sun was moving one degree off center every 72 years.  Seemed like next level stuff at the time.

One of the surprising things I heard during the documentary was that most of the “experts” didn’t think that the end of the Mayan calendar necessarily spelled an apocalyptic end to all mankind.  You see, the Mayan belief is that on Dec 21st,no only does the calendar end, but the “celestial alignment” moves from one zodiac sign to the next.  It’s the beginning of a new era they say.  Some experts said it could mean the start of a new age of enlightenment.  Sounds a whole lot less intense than solar flares to me.

 

By no means am I dissing the apocalypse theories, there’s nothing more I’d enjoy than living out the fantasy of roaming the wastelands with a pair of aviators and a motorcycle.  It’s just that the pros/cons list gets a little one sided after the first couple lines.

What I’m really looking forward to is how Hollywood uses the projected end of the world to get people to spend money.  Some half-baked action movie about the one guy immune to the Mayans trying to save the world from Mayanitis, an ancient disease that turns everyone into….dead things.

 

ON A DAY THAT SHOULD NEVER HAVE COME

(INSERT CHEESY ACTION NAME) WILL FACE ALL ODDS 

IN A BATTLE

THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN THE MAKING

DWAYNE JOHNSON IS

OUTTA TIME (working title, in theaters December 22nd)

 

Money please,
TP

 

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2 Responses to The Showering Philosopher: 2012 For Dummies

  1. bonghit1 says:

    Can you SMELL what the Mayan’s are cookin?

  2. If you want to see some of the amazing things the Mayans were capable of, just google Chichen Itza. It’s stunning! They were seriously ahead of their time.

    We were told by our tour guide (who works for the National Museum of Mexico) that the Mayan calendar wasn’t ending, but that it works on an XX year cycle. The Mayans had only documented the calendar through 2012 before their civilization was destroyed XX years ago. (Sorry I don’t have the exact number of years to fill in those XXs.)

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