Fright Town

It’s a sad day when you realize that you’re becoming older.

Wait, what am I saying, no it’s not.  Am I mad that I’m smarter, stronger, and more agile than I was at the ripe acne-infested age of 13?  Absolutely not, I would decimate myself in every aspect.  So here’s to you, past self, keep your head up if Doc Brown and I ever come running.  I’m not kidding.

This warning does not come unwarranted.

Up until last night, I had gone into a grand total of zero haunted houses.  The last time I had even experienced the opportunity of stepping into the unknown was 14 years ago on a eye-opening vacation to Disneyland.  I realize now I kind of ruined a couple rides for my family.  For that I’m sorry.  It’s been a while since then.

Now I laugh in the face of costumed actors and cheap pop up gimmicks, and I laugh hard.  I ridicule, insult, and insist on trying to high five all the honest working screamticians.

Since it’s October, Portland’s retail stores have gone into full blown Halloween mode.  One Fred Meyer even had a section set apart for Christmas decorations, that’s dedication.  Every year, the catacombs that lay beneath the uncharted area between the Memorial Coliseum and the Rose Garden are transformed into Fright Town.  A month long walk-through haunted house.  I had never given it a second thought due to the repressed memories of the prior experiences.  But, thanks to mix of competitiveness and ignorance, I agreed to check it out.  For a formerly empty hall, the set up was mighty impressive.  Three separate houses each offered there own particular theme.  Each was more frightening then the one before.  So, if you heading around the Rose Quarter between now and Halloween, check it out.  Moving on.

This is a joke.

Taco Bell shouldn’t be a part of anyone’s diet plan…. Ever.  Good on them for getting on the “let’s turn our text green to appeal to earth-conscious people” wagon.  Because people coming home from parties are going to opt for the diet anything.

Stay Thirsty My Friends,

Drive-Thru Diet.

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One Response to Fright Town

  1. Anonymous says:

    Well done sir, you’re braver than I am. Ever since playing Fatal Frame, I no longer go anywhere or do anything associated with ‘hauntedness’, lest I lose all of my street cred by weeing myself in fear. Word to the wise: unless you have nerves made of NASA grade titanium, don’t EVER play those games. Not only are they extremely scary, they’re also very addictive; this is a terrible combination.

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