The Road: Day 8

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

Back to the grind after one of the more hectic days off of my career.  The daily trek from the house to the car is a lot more bearable with sunshine coming down.  For now I have to rely on Ross for rides to practice.  It’s funny how dull your skills and abilities can become after 24 hours away from the rink.  Thankfully, we’ve got little under a week to get back to that playoff shape.

One of the pluses about not having to drive is that I can think more clearly not having to evade the masses of Portland drivers who are trying to run me off the road.  Today’s topic is politics.  Now, I’m pretty good at ‘BS’ing, it’s not a trait I’m overly proud of, but I can make stuff up right off the top of my head which seems pretty believable.  Not incredibly difficult with the group I’m surrounded with.  However as I’ve looked back, one of the things that’s never been my strong suit is political stuff.  “SNL’s ‘Weekend Update’ Segment” and “The Colbert Report” can only offer so much in the way of viable information. So here’s my “Guide to ‘BS’ing Your Way Into Political Acceptance.”

1. Know The Current Events
Anyone trying to convince a peer about their apparent knowledge of current events, stay informed.   Mahatma Gandhi and the Librarians have traveled a long long time ago to fight the rebels so that they can turn the Republic into the Empire.  This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Libyan Flag circa 2011

2.  Major Political Figures
Everyone knows Biden, Bush, Obama, and Palin, but, you throw out a few longer names like Deputy Secretary of Homeland Security Jane Holl Lute and you could say that leading geologists are partnering with major engineering firms to attempt to bring the Hawaiian islands off the coast of California, and no one would bat an eye.

3. Look Both Ways
Sure, I was once told the difference between left wing and right wing politics.  Thankfully, for anyone trying to convince another of their “knowledge” of politics.  You can get away with knowing a few words accompanied with both sides.  The right side is aggressive and militaristic while the left is diplomatic and passive.  I would say I’m split right down the middle, but that would be a lie.  Which leads us to our final and most important point.

4. Buzzwords
Using the right words can make or break your chances at convincing people of your political knowledge.  A few of last years buzzwords were deficit, compromise, false equivalency, and socialism. Advanced note, tacking the word agenda onto the end of a buzzword doubles it’s potency.

With these new tools, you’ll never be caught off guard.*

All For Now,

*not guaranteed

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One Response to The Road: Day 8

  1. ashley says:

    I find it funny that you see Portland as a big city and the drivers as trying to run you off the road. Maybe since I grew up here and remember the Rose Garden as a place with flowers and the area around the MC as a flat, open parking lot, your stories make me laugh. Can’t wait for Thursday for round two.

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