An Idiots Guide to March Madness Brackets

So I guess this whole March Madness thing is a pretty big deal.  Myself I don’t get too wound up in it, but I’ll check out how some teams are doing.  However, I do realize that there are tens of thousands of people out there being unwilling forced into diligently filling out teams into slots in the prestigious “March Madness Bracket” from now on know as their MMB.  I’ve never taken part, so that’s why I’ve decided to become to perfect self-proclaimed candidate to release the “MMB Guide for the Casual Sports Fan.”  Lets begin.

Pictured: madness

1. Know the Seeds
– Turns out that NCAA Basketball is actually played in months other than March, so knowing where teams are ranked coming into the tournament is important.  Most brackets have the rankings beside the names of the schools, so searching out and picking the number ones shouldn’t be that tough.  More often then not (Pitt) picking a number one seed will be a safe bet.  Since 1985, #1 seeds have a record of 108-0 against #16 seeds.  However, this leads us into the next point.

2. Switch it Up
– Remember in school when an exam was made up of entirely multiple choice questions.  Did you ever feel comfortable if you got more than 4 ‘B’s in a row?  Of course you didn’t, you went back and changed one to a ‘C’ just to feel safe.  Use this same technique on picking bracket selections.  In 32 years, only one year has featured all #1 seed selections in the final four.  Too many top seed selections?  Throw an upset in there just for for variety.

3. Know the Team Colors
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Sometimes, attacking the brackets with the logic of a toddler can render desirable results.  For fun, go find a psychology site that lists the personality type connected to a certain color.  Youthful, fun, or happy? Pick teams that have some yellow in their name. Fertile and environmentally conscious? Go Green. Play lots of dungeons and dragons? Try a stationary bike and some time in the sun.  There is a trick when picking by color though.

3a. Account for the Blue Shift
– Every team since 2002 when Maryland captured the title, winning teams have had blue as one of the colors in their jersey.  Not surprising, blue represents creativity, intelligence, strength, wisdom, and trust, all vital in a team environment.

4. Food Chain
– Mascot match-ups are an excellent way to gain an in-depth perspective on a teams chances against opponents.  Last year’s final was the Butler Bulldogs against the Duke Blue Devils.  Turns out the Blue Devils name come from a French Military unit called “Les Diables Bleus.”  I don’t care what the size of the fight in the dog is, rifles beat bulldogs everytime.

5. Follow the Leader
While not driving down the Deficit Highway, fearless leader President Obama spends millions of tax dollars privately acquiring expert advice and inside info on bracket prediction (cite needed.)  Through the first round Obama has a record of 29-3, one of the mistakes coming from VCU’s upset of Georgetown.  The Prez has Kansas beating Ohio State in the championship game.

6. Mulligan
After you’ve followed this guide to the ‘t’ and managed to complete your bracket.  Throw it away, and do another one.  The knowledge you manage to extract from the process will help you before starting the second one.  I’ve heard that the first one made never seems to work.

7.  Get Creative.
–  Here’s a list of alternative methods to choose your bracket selections, with corresponding results

Alphabetical Order:  Every game, the team closer to ‘A’ in the alphabet wins.  Result – #15 Akron def. #5 Arizona for title.

Pocket Dial:  Change all of the contacts in your phone into competing teams.  Once completed, send a mass text saying “hey” record what order the responses come in.  Result – #14 Saint Peter’s def. #7 UCLA

Pass Me the Rock:  Like Pocket Dial, take 64 songs and put them in a playlist, replace the track names with teams.  Set to shuffle.  Result #6 Xavier def. #8 Butler.

Cheater:  Wait until after the tournament has finished.  Then fill in corresponding bracket.  Make sure to include 3-4 mistakes on the way, including a wrong entry into the final four.  Brag to friends.

All for now,
TP out

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2 Responses to An Idiots Guide to March Madness Brackets

  1. Camille Feenstra says:

    HA! You should submit this to a newspaper Taylor. It’s good stuff!

  2. Steve Willems says:

    I second that! Lovin it!

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